


Arthur Maxson and the turmoil of his feelings

by Julia_Danse



Series: The Knight and the Paladin - A series of Oneshots [29]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Alcohol induced kissing, Brotherhood of Steel - Freeform, F/M, Loneliness, Massaging tense muscles, Onesided Love, Prydwen, Sadness, Slight mentioning of Sex, The Battlecoat xD, cold shower, handjob, hot shower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23333524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julia_Danse/pseuds/Julia_Danse
Summary: Arthur Maxson realizes something, but he can't have it.A knight gets a promotion.A paladin makes love.
Relationships: Arthur Maxson/Female Sole Survivor, Paladin Danse/Female Sole Survivor
Series: The Knight and the Paladin - A series of Oneshots [29]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1381480
Comments: 8
Kudos: 12





	Arthur Maxson and the turmoil of his feelings

A steel blue gaze, embraced by the fine lines surrounding its eyes. A nose, severely broken, but prominent and commanding non the less. Hair slicked back in military-style while the sides and the back were shaved. A thick beard caressing cheeks and covering half of a long scar on his right cheek. The bulk of his body covered in the black leather of an officer's jumpsuit, hidden under his beloved battle coat. Black combat boots to protect his feet. His body belonged to a twenty-year-old man, but his face looked twice his age. He often had a struggle with sleeping at night, thinking of the next steps to take in their campaign against the Institute. The rings under his eyes often felt like unnecessary weight which dragged his face down. No one knew how he felt inside, not even his best friend. He was tired and wanted nothing more than peace to finally settle down. He shook his head and turned around... to look at... her.

Her teal-colored hair was falling, from the Kaysa hairstyle, down onto her back in gentle waves, a few strands hanging out and caressing her face. Just like him, she wore several scars on her face. Some were just fine lines, the others red and angry against her sun-kissed skin. He remembered that she had an encounter with ferals ghouls a few months ago and shuddered at the thought. She wore the reddest lipstick he ever saw, catching every man's stare, making them think twice of what they wanted to say when she walked by. A hint of rouge on her cheeks made her look even more healthy then she already was. Elegant black lines were drawn around her eyes, bringing out their ocean blue color. He often found himself staring at them, losing himself while doing so. A body rounded with perfect curves covered in... a black officer's jumpsuit? Well, whoever gave it to her must have known how good she looked in it. And he wanted to promote her to Paladin anyway.

___

The way she walked, with that soft sway of her hips, it turned heads all over the Prydwen. And he found himself staring at her all too often as well. Every time she was onboard she sat with his best friend. The way she looked at the paladin, laughed at what he said... The Elder couldn't control the butterflies in his stomach like he controlled the emotions on his face. But he knew he couldn't have her. He didn't even know her that well to gain feelings for her, yet he did. He bet that all his brothers must have had a crush on her. She was always kind, knew how to behave when a commanding officer was around and she helped whoever needed help. She even took the time and told the squires a few stories about her missions. One time Arthur came by as she told the kids about her mission of the search for the lost recon squad _Artemis_. Hearing her talking about it, it made the whole ordeal even more real behind his eyes. He saw what she told the kids and shivered several times. He thought that he never really thanked her for saving the life of his most respected field officer, his best friend. He really needed to promote her as soon as possible. Some of the children were quivering when she told that her commanding officer already was dead when she came back to the med bay but brought back from the brink just in time to make a full recovery. She heard them sniff and changed to the story where she and the paladin were at Diamond City and how they brought home a little kitten. The squires began to laugh, they loved her. It was needless to say that he admired and respected her on a high level.

Her life was a mess, yet she still managed to stay positive most of the time, serving for a purpose much bigger and greater than her own life. It was hard not to love her. A wastelander with a history, grimmer than his own, yet she kept smiling. With sad eyes maybe, but she smiled and won the hearts around her with ease. It was then that his brothers and sister started to look behind all her scars, to find out she wasn't that bad as every one of them thought. That was the cornerstone he needed for her promotion.

___

Paladin Danse and his subordinate Knight Kathryn Kay stood at the command deck, waiting for their Elder to turn around. As he did he wore a proud smile on his face, a new set of holotags in his hands which clinked as he held them out to the knight.

"Paladin Danse, Knight Kay!", he said.  
"Sir.", they answered in unison. He looked at her.  
"I hereby grant you the rank of Paladin. You're ordered to stick with _Reconnaissance Squad_ _Gladius_ and its commanding officer. I don't want to split my most efficient team."

The look on her face made him almost lose his composure as she held the new tags in her hands, eyeing them with curiosity _and_ pride. He could feel himself melt inside as she then looked at him, admiration in her eyes, and an easy smile on her lips.

"Thank you, Elder. I will live up to my new rank and make the Brotherhood proud.", she said, chest puffed out and standing even more at attention than normal. He chuckled.

"I wouldn't want anything else from you, Paladin."

 _Paladin Kathryn Kay._ It indeed had a nice ring to it. He forgot about Danse and was fixated on her, feeling just as happy as her, looking into the bright shining oceans of her eyes. The spell was broken when Danse clapped his hand on her shoulder, giving her his congratulations for the promotion, that he knew she would make an excellent paladin _and_ an outstanding leader. Arthur blinked. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he almost missed the question he got asked. "Is there anything else you needed, Sir?" He shook his head. "No, you're both dismissed.", he said while shaking both their hands as he thought how much he wanted to embrace that woman. Yes, she was older than him, nine years to be precise, but he didn't care. Sarah also was older than him and he loved her non the less.  
 _He loved her..._ A love never answered.

___

Kathryn was shining like the sun itself, wearing her new holotags around her neck with pride; the blue shimmer shining even brighter with her happy glow. Danse was more than proud that she achieved so much in such a short amount of time. She really must have left quite the impression in their elder's mind. He gently touched her hand and she immediately intertwined their fingers. He smiled at her. She just acted like a schoolgirl that just got her first good grades and dragged him everywhere with her. The squires where overjoyed with her promotion and a lot of them said they wanted to be like her. Kathryn laughed at the kids and embraced every one of them who came to hug her. It was then when she let go of his hand and he realized they were roaming the Prydwen hand in hand...

___

Maxson was back at his quarters, racking his brain over the new plans to fight against the Institute. His thoughts drifted off all too often and he really needed a drink to calm his nerves... He remembered when she collapsed in his arms, crying out her soul to him. He was lonely, in need of someone to tell him that everything would be fine. Someone who'd hold him like he did with Kathryn, _with love and care_... He sighed and sipped at his glass of freshly poured Bourbon. Its amber color glistened in the light of his quarters as he slowly swished it around in circles, the burning sensation it left in his throat made him want more. But he knew that he needed a clear mind to go through all that tactical stuff if he wanted to come out as the winner of this war.

A knock at the door made him jump but he steadied himself as he barked out a "Come in!" His rigid posture relaxed immediately as he saw who poked her head in just to tense back when he saw her smile. It was breathtaking how she beamed at him, it was like the sun got up just for him and he smiled a nervous smile back at her. "Paladin, how can I help you?", he asked as he walked around the table, a second glass of Bourbon already in his hand. He held it out to her and she took it with a nod. Her fingers brushed his and it took everything in him not to flinch away. _And_ _of course,_ she saw the color rising in his cheeks, he was just a boy in the end. She chuckled at his display of emotions, he was just like Danse she thought. "You remind me so much of Danse right now.", she then said before she took a sip of the Bourbon. She hissed at the burn but smiled even brighter after it. "That's some good stuff there, Elder." He had to put his own glass down on the table. "Anyway, I'm here to thank you again for the promotion and your trust in my abilities." It was then that he saw that she was carrying something behind her back. "Oh..?", he just said. She nodded and held out a box of cigars to him. His eyes brightened up as he saw the brand. How did she know which cigars he liked the most? "Danse told me you like them. I have even more at home if you want more, I only smoke cigarettes." Well, there was his answer. "Danse is a good man, isn't he?", Arthur said a little lost in his thoughts. "Yeah, he is.", Kathryn answered non the less. "Come on, let's go and celebrate my promotion.", she then said with a smirk on her face and joy in her voice. How could he say no to such an invitation? He grabbed the bottle of Bourbon and their glasses and followed her outside.

They settled down in the little storage bay at the flight deck, smokes in one hand, and their drinks in the other. Arthur just realized how much he needed that break, to be outside and breathing in the fresh air before he took a drag of his cigar. It was nice to just hear the waves of the ocean and the rustling of the wind. His thoughts drifted off again into the distance. "What are you thinking about, Elder?" That question startled him and he coughed. Kathryn laughed and gently patted him on the back. The bottle of Bourbon already was downed to three quarters and they both were rather intoxicated at that moment. She kept his hand on his back and he looked at her, gazing into her eyes, a shy smile on his lips. He finally collected himself to speak again. "Nothing, really..." _Liar!_ "Don't fool me, Elder. I see that you have something on your mind. Spill it.", Kathryn demanded smiling. The hand drawing circles on his back made it almost impossible to stay focused and he had to swallow down the lump that formed in his throat. "Alright, you win...", he sighed. "It's just that I don't know what to do. I don't have a single clue in how to get some intel about the Institute, where it is, or even how to get in." He drew in a long breath, absently chewing on his cigar as he took another drag. A big plume of smoke lingered between him and Kathryn, a worried look cast on her face. The pressure on his back grew and he felt how she gently began to massage the knots that had formed in his muscles. "Feels good?", she asked as he let out a soft sigh when she hit a mean spot and he nodded. "Come on, sit down in front of me.", Kathryn then said. He did and he could feel all the tension melt away as her hands worked out his tense muscles.

After a while he glimpsed at her, she looked so peaceful while she kept massaging him and hummed a tune he knew from the radio. He slumped into her, leaning against her chest and he felt how she wrapped her arms around him. "Don't you worry too much about that, Elder. Everything will be fine." he felt the hairs stand on his neck and arms, the goosebumps covering his whole body at her gentle voice. "Can... can you please call me Arthur?" It was a weird question, but he asked it anyway. She just chuckled and whispered, "Of course, Arthur." His name on her lips did bad things to him and he swallowed. The grip of her embrace grew stronger and she leaned her head against his. "I know how you feel...", she then said with a sad voice. He side glanced at her, his brow risen at her statement. "What do you mean?", he asked. She loosened the embrace and let him turn to face her. "The loneliness. I can see it in your eyes. You need friends, Arthur." Unshed tears glistened in her eyes as she fidgeted with her fingers in her lap. He felt the pressure in his chest grow quickly, his mouth going dry as he wanted to ask her but wasn't able to get out a single word. He just looked at her as she smiled this very sad smile. He huffed and shook his head while he tried to get his shit together. "Are you my friend?" Here. He said it. She chuckled and smiled at him. "Of course I am. Would someone else work out the kinks of your back if he or she wasn't your friend?" Well, it was a good question, he knew. His smile grew content now and he laughed. "Thank you, Kathryn.", he then said, a hand taking hold of one of hers to stop the fidgeting. He drew small circles on her hand, gazing at it while doing so, a content smile on his lips. Alcohol always made him bold. Kathryn's jaw dropped at his action, but she liked it. It showed her that under all that decorum, that damn battle coat of him (she really wanted to wear it) was hidden an insecure young man. A man seeking for guidance, for friendship, and even for love and the closeness of a loved one. Kathryn was to find out just in this moment.

They looked at each other, no words on their lips. Steel-blue eyes gazed into ocean blue ones, creating a magical moment. "Arthur-" "No.", he said and gently pressed a finger to her lips just to pull it away again as he crushed his lips into hers. First Kathryn didn't know what to do with that situation but found herself melt into him. They embraced each other, eyes closed and enjoying the alcohol-induced moment. After a while, they parted and looked at each other. "What are we doing here?", Kathryn then asked, her arms still around him. Arthur's eyes were hazy, his skin glistening in her embrace, very much lost to the fact that he just kissed his subordinate. "Arthur?" His spoken name made him blink at her and he hastily let go of her. "Shit... I'm sorry Paladin." _Oh? The what?!_  
He stood up abruptly and hurried away back into the Prydwen, leaving a baffled Kathryn behind. That was weird. Kathryn stood up, not minding the Bourbon or the glasses that still stood on a crate next to her. The burn of his lips still lingered on hers and she began to understand what it meant. She needed to find Danse.

___

He slammed his fist into a wall of his quarters. How dumb could he be to try and kiss her?! It was risky; what if someone had seen them and informed the council? _Fucking shit!_ He took in a shaky breath and let it out slowly. He needed to calm the beating of his heart and the shaking of his body. He threw himself on his bed, draping an arm over his face and letting out a loud breath as he groaned. "What have I done..?"

___

Danse was sitting at his desk, filling out reports, and doing other sorts of paperwork which piled up lately. He chuckled at himself as he thought that Kathryn had to do the same sort of work too now. His cheeks flushed at the thought of her and he smiled. He still couldn't believe that she took him by the hand sooner that day and dragged him through the Prydwen. A knock at the door startled him out of his happy reverie but he couldn't bring himself to stand up, he really wanted to finish that paperwork. Another knock and he sighed. Why couldn't they stop bothering him? The knocking became somewhat frantic now. Annoyance bubbled up inside him, written all over his face in big bold letters as he opened the door. "Danse..." A whisper and a teal-colored lightning tumbled into his quarters, slightly panting and trying to compose herself as she swallowed audibly. "Kathryn, what happened?", he asked. His face changed into one of concern as he took step after step towards her. She sat down at his bed and let out a breath before she looked at him. Arthur, I... I mean Elder Maxson. He... he _kissed_ me!" It was then as Danse sat down beside her that he could smell the alcohol on her. His brows shot up at the mentioning of his elder. "He did _what_?" Kathryn's eyes searched his, a hint of desperation hidden behind the blue of her irises. "I wanted to cheer him up, cause I mean, I can see how lonely he is. He needs friends, Danse!" Her voice slightly quivered and she began to fidget with her fingers again. "How did that happen anyway?", he then asked, just slowly realizing what Kathryn tried to explain. "I wanted to thank him for the promotion and gave him those cigars you talked about. It felt good to do so and I asked him if he wanted to 'celebrate' a little. We sat at the storage bay at the flight deck and shared a bottle of Bourbon. Guess it was too much...", she trailed off. "And he just kissed you?", Danse asked her. "What? No! I... ugh I massaged his back. I thought he needed it with all the tension around him. He turned around and then it happened."

Danse understood all too well. He was lonely too after Cutler's death. He swore to himself that he would never let someone step into his life like Cutler did. Then came Kathryn around. He pulled her into a hug, rubbing circles on her back as he sighed into her hair. "I understand.", he then said. "You're not mad?" Kathryn was surprised at his statement and looked at him with big eyes. She looked so cute with that confused look and he couldn't contain the chuckle and the smile that spread on his lips. "No, Kathryn." He put a strand of hair behind her ear, feeling only love for her as he looked into her eyes. "You're a good friend. But please, don't kiss him ever again." Kathryn nodded as she gazed back into his chocolate eyes saying "Yes, I can do that." His hand found its way to her cheek as he whispered "Good..." before he kissed her. _What was it with the men on the Prydwen?!_ she thought but found herself answering his demand. She melted into the kiss and knew this would end in lovemaking. And by Steel she was right. Danse was a caring man and knew what she wanted, _needed_ to be satisfied and he devoted himself to her.

 _"Kathryn?"_  
 _"Yes, Danse?"_  
 _"I love you so much, you know that?"_  
 _"I love you more."_  
 _"_ _You bet."_  
 _"I always do."_

 _He embraced her just as he had in mind earlier, kissing her passionately and stealing a sweet and happy sigh from her._ _This was life._

They both fell asleep smiling.  
___

Arthur's conscience nagged at him. It was wrong to take advantage of her drunken state, but he did it anyway. Kissing her felt right although he knew it was wrong. He guessed that he was drunk too which didn't make much sense. Normally it took more for him than a bit of Bourbon to knock out his senses. He most likely felt it 'cause he didn't eat much today. The night went on and he still couldn't sleep, his thoughts circling about what happened on the flight deck. He shook his head and sighed, it would probably be best if he took a shower. The water was hot as he stood under the stream and he sighed as it hit his shoulders and back where Kathryn had massaged him. Did he destroy the opportunity to become friends with her now? He didn't know. All he could think of was her red lips parting for him to let his tongue enter her hot mouth. He imagined how it would've to feel to touch her naked body, play with her breasts and her womanhood; how it would feel to claim her as his own and marking every centimeter of her skin with his mouth, mapping every scar and curve of her beautiful body. He was rock hard as he thought of her and imagined her around him as he began to stroke himself. And it didn't take him long to finish himself off with a desperate " _FUCK!_ " as he came into his hand. He was ashamed of himself and turned the water to an unbearable cold which he punished himself with now. It was like cold steely needles pricked his skin, turning it blue the longer he stood under the ice-cold water. He was shivering when he finally turned the shower off and redressed himself. The water still dripped from his hair while he took paper, an envelope, and a pen into his hands, writing an apology _and_ a confession; he wrote Kathryn's name on the envelope and sealed it. It was in the middle of the night and Arthur opened the door to his quarters, finding Danse outside of his own quarters, wet with the cold sweat of a nightmare. "Hey Danse, are you okay?", Arthur asked his friend and made him jump visibly. "Oh, hey Arthur. Yeah, I guess.", the paladin answered. Danse saw the white envelope in Arthur's hands but didn't dare to ask about it. He just looked at the younger man when he held it out to him, asking Danse to get this to Kathryn when he saw her next time. The paladin nodded and went back into his quarters, and so did Arthur. He put out the light and settled into his bed, closing his eyes as he sighed for the last time before he fell asleep.

___

"What's that?", Kathryn asked Danse sleepily after he closed the door.   
"Here, it's for you.", he said and gave her the envelope.

She opened it and read what stood in the letter, breathing out a _"Wow..."_ before she folded the letter and put it back. She smiled sadly before a tear escaped her eye.

"I'm so sorry Arthur..."

**Author's Note:**

> Believe it or not, but I feel sorry for the Elder.  
> All this decorum and stuff... and the fact that he knows that Kathryn loves Danse and the other way around.  
> I wanted to write smut, but thought it wouldn't fit.  
> I wish for him that he'll find someone he can love AND loves him back all the same. He deserves it.
> 
> ***
> 
> Thanks for reading :-)


End file.
